The Power of Resiliency: Hope Overcoming Fear

I have a little note card taped to my desk at work with a quote from Nelson (Rolihlahla) Mandela that I am leaning on more and more these days:

I received this card at a workshop on resiliency a few years ago and it struck a chord with me. Something about that quote had me pause and think about choices I had been recently making in my life. Was I acting based on hope or rather on fear? I knew right away what I wanted my answer to be.

May my choices reflect my hopes, not my fears.

This powerful statement feels like more than just a “glass half full” mentality. A half full glass won’t see you through 27 years in prison alone, I imagine. What if you don’t even have any glass at all, let alone one that is half full?

To me this quote represents a frame of mind that for every decision and thought I have, I am looking to what I want out of life rather than living in fear and anxiety of all that could go wrong. I resist the urge to focus on what I don’t have or never will. It says my life is cultivated with chosen actions that believe in a future filled with hope and aspiration.

Resiliency means we are able to process what is happening around us in a healthy manner and keep our lives from derailing completely off the track.

What Is Resiliency?

Resiliency is the ability to adapt and bounce back when something difficult happens in our lives. To be able to “roll with the punches”. Bend instead of breaking. In times that seem overwhelming, resiliency means we are able to process what is happening around us in a healthy manner and keep our lives from derailing completely off the track.

Does it mean nothing ever gets us down or affects us? No, we can have all the feelings. But resiliency is fluid, some days we have more of it than other days. I myself have days where I can’t get out of bed because gratitude and hope are a scarce resource. The gift of resiliency has an overall effect that leaves me able to weather the inevitable ups and downs of life. It is the difference between a temporary setback and a lifetime of suffering.

Resiliency is not denial or a Pollyanna perspective. It won’t make negative things disappear like they never happened. But in a world filled with uncertainty and injustice, it is important that we put ourselves at the wheel as much as we can rather than let it batter us off our course.

It is the difference between a temporary setback and a lifetime of suffering.

Why Is Resiliency Important?

Resiliency is important because it is a framework that can give us strength in times of need. It is also known to produce positive life outcomes:

Improved learning and academic achievement.
Lower absences from work or study due to sickness.
Reduced use of risk-taking behaviors such as excessive drinking, smoking or use of drugs.
Increased involvement in community or family activities.
A lower rate of mortality and increased physical health.

Studies like the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) show that resiliency is the best way to overcome the childhood trauma that many of us have experienced in some form or another. Generational and historical trauma, as well as tragic events, can be overcome with resiliency skills that we have been taught and model for others.

Resiliency is our ability to take back our lives from the negative events that are a part of humanity and society, many of which we do not have control over. Rather than dwelling on what did or did not happen, we learn from it and grow stronger. We are better equipped to resist feelings of being stuck or hopelessness.

We are better equipped to resist feelings of being stuck or hopelessness.

Why Are Some People More Resilient Than Others?

We all have at least one friend for whom resiliency is not in their toolbox. This is the friend for whom even the smallest hiccup is a crisis. You would think it was the end of the world. Fear is lurking on every corner to derail their life. It is exhausting and draining both for them and those around them.

Then you have your other friend for whom nothing fazes them. They weather every storm with a positive attitude and focus on gratitude no matter what life throws them. That is resiliency at work.

This variation can happen for many reasons, many of which we are still learning about. Both individual systems and larger societal systems have an impact on how resilient someone is or will be. But what we do know is that there are ways to build resiliency.

How To Build Resiliency

Just like there are different reasons that we may be low in resiliency, there are ways that we can increase our ability to “bend” instead of breaking when adversity comes our way.

Here are just a few adapted tips for building your own resiliency toolbox:

Get enough sleep and exercise and learn to manage stress. When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to cope effectively with challenges in your life.
Practice thought awareness. Resilient people don’t let negative thoughts derail their efforts. Instead, they consistently practice positive thinking and self-talk. Learn from your mistakes and failures.
Choose your response. Your reaction is always up to you and the one thing you have control over.
Build your self confidence. When you develop confidence and a strong sense of self, you have the strength to keep moving forward, and to take the risks you need to get ahead.
Develop strong relationships. The more real friendships you develop, the more resilient you’re going to be, because you have a strong support network to fall back on. For some, this also means a relationship and faith in God or higher power.
Focus on being flexible. Resilient people understand that things change, and that carefully-made plans may, occasionally, need to be amended or scrapped.

It probably won’t happen overnight but with intention, we have the opportunity to change our thinking and enjoy better outcomes for our life (and probably the lives of those around us).

I know I am working on this constantly, taking time to step back from a situation and assess how my attitude is affecting my response and thus the chain reactions of those I care about. Do my words and actions reflect a hope for unity and understanding or are they based on my insecurities and fears? If you catch me practicing mindful breathing you can bet I am trying to focus on my flexibility and positive outlook!

There is still much work for me to do, this is most likely a life-long process. But the rewards are already paying off in my relationships and mental health.

So, I want to pass on this wish I have for you now in this time of so much uncertainty and change…