Today is Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday and the day before the beginning of Lent. Some of you may be thinking about Mardi Gras, carnival and beads. Some of you may be thinking about pancakes, king cake or another rich kind of pastry. Some of you may have no idea what the big deal is about.
I have written several posts about what this day and season means to me: My 3 Favorite Paleo Pancake Recipes and A Lenten Reset and Paleo Fat Tuesday Pancakes and How I Hit The Reset Button On Life. They are not religious posts per say but share how I have learned to step away from what the world says is important and focus on what matters most to me.
This last weekend I attended another women’s retreat and was reminded that I had yet to finish the post I started writing two years ago in regards to FOMO, sabbath, margin and rest. As I take time in the next two months to pause and focus on what is important (a journey I take every year this time), I invite you to think about what is important to you and what exactly is chasing you.
FOMO (The Fear Of Missing Out)
Haven’t heard of FOMO yet? I hadn’t either, but it turns out it is one of those LOL, BTW, and ROTF things and that I (and maybe many of you) suffer from. The acronym was brought up at a women’s retreat I have attended in relation to Sabbath and learning to make space for rest.
The fear of missing out means that we spend our lives running around doingallthethings because we are so worried about missing out on something that will make us __________ (happy, money, meaningful, etc.). The idea that if we are not constantly doing something, we will have lost out on an opportunity we will never have again.
Think about how most headings are worded these days. All of them are designed to get you to click or else you will be missing out on something you have to have or know right now.
They all play on our fear of missing out.
This has been the most difficult thing for me in the last few years. When I started Must Hike Must Eat, all free time flew right out the window. But my injury in 2017 meant having to slow down and do less. It was so painful at the time but I don’t think I have truly recovered.
That is to say, that accidental period of pause showed me how much I prefer doing less even if it means missing out. I had to be laid up with a busted shoulder in order to slow down all because of a fear of lost opportunities. But somehow yet today, I still feel like I need to justify or have permission to not do so much!
It is said that most women are perfectionists. If we didn’t have the task of juggling the world, we would be falling short of perfection. Before Must Hike Must Eat, there was something else. Four committees and volunteering commitments. Little League games and home remodeling. There is always something else.
I am constantly having to remind myself that I do not actually hold the weight of world despite what my ego tells me. The world will not fall apart if I just stop and get off the crazy train.
Sabbath
The fantastic speaker at the retreat I attended was Erin Day, pastor from Palmer UMC in Alaska and she was giving a talk on sabbath. But it wasn’t your typical “thou shall not work on Sunday” kind of Sabbath but the idea of creating space for rest. A chance to center yourself. A reset.
Sabbath is a Jewish word that means to set aside a day to pause, rest and give honor. That means different things to different people but all can benefit from the practice.
One of the exercises she had us do was to walk around the grounds at the retreat center we were at with no purpose in mind for about 30 minutes. She called it a sabbath walk.
I have to admit this exercise was really hard. To walk around without direction? Try not to follow a trail or head in a particular direction? She told us to just wander aimlessly with a clear mind.
I did my best but it was a serious struggle. Like I mention in my post on nature bathing, it goes beyond just taking time to walk in the woods but to do so in a slow, purposeless (yet intentional) way.
We all need to claim space for rest but just how do we do that when the world tells us otherwise? Sabbath requires surrender, something that seems so counter-intuitive in today’s culture.
One of the authors Erin shared was Walter Brueggemann who writes about the act of Sabbath as a form of resistance against the rapid pace of today’s world and the sense of fear and stress it creates.
Our society teaches us that our value comes from what we do or have, our self-worth rests in production. Reality is, however, we have value because we exist, not because we produce or accumulate. We are enough without all that.
We may never be finished and we should never hope to be. But that doesn’t mean we have to be on a constant wheel of motion. Life does not have to be so full of busyness that we have to wait until we are dead to truly just stop.
Margin
As my husband and I are blending our lives together, I have been spending more time at his church, All Saints in Queen Anne. The year after the retreat on Sabbath above, the topic was about making room for margin. This was something that Erin also mentioned in her talk. Taking time to rest is intentional and we have to set boundaries in order for it to happen.
Richard Swenson writes in his book, Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives:
“Margin is the space between our load and our limits and is related to our reserves and resilience. It is a buffer, a leeway, a gap; the place we go to heal, to relate, to reflect, to recharge our batteries, to focus on the things that matter most. Margin restores what culture has taken away: time to listen, strength to care, space to love.”
It isn’t just those extra 15 minutes you give yourself in the morning before you go to work to read the paper (do people do that anymore?). It isn’t that 30 minute nap you managed to sneak in before the kids got home from school (not that that is not a beautiful thing). It is about making space to prioritize and concentrate on what is important to us, not what the world says is important.
Self-care is a hot topic these days for a reason. In today’s go-go world, it is so easy to run ourselves completely empty with nothing left to give or receive. We are not inexhaustible. But self-care and margin do not just happen, we have to create it.
“It is important to understand our emotional reserves. It is important to understand how much we have at the beginning of each day and which influences drain our emotions dry or recharge our batteries. It is important to learn what our limits are, and not to make further withdrawals if we are already maximally depleted. And it is important to respect these limits in others.”
Those boundaries are not just for us. They are for our loved ones, too. How do we unintentionally lead to chaos and anxiety in those around us we love by managing every minute with activity and busyness? How do we model margin and pause for others so that we can be there for each other?
The Power of Pause
I recently picked up a book by Terry Hershey of Vashon Island here in Washington State called, The Power of Pause. It is 52 short stories all designed to help you recognize and make time for pause in your life. My favorite story so far is this one and maybe because I resemble this story just a bit too much…
An American traveler planned a long safari to Africa. He was a compulsive man, loaded with maps, timetables, and agendas. Men had been engaged from a local tribe to carry the cumbersome load of supplies, luggage and “essential” stuff.
On the first morning, they all woke up very early and traveled very fast and went very far. On the second morning, they all woke up very early and traveled very fast and went very far. On the third morning, they all woke up very early and traveled very fast and went very far. And the American seemed pleased. On the fourth morning, the tribesman refused to move. They simply sat by a tree. The American became incensed. “This is a waste of valuable time. Can someone tell me what is going on here?”
The translator answered, “They are waiting for their souls to catch up with their bodies.”
Terry wants to give us permission to cease activity, treasure quiet time and to discern the deep meaning of life’s little moments. To catch up to our soul and give it rest. Can you say you do that for yourself and those around you?
Why are Sabbath, Margin and Pause So Hard To Do?
I often ask myself why do I need someone else to give me permission to do these things? Why are sabbath, margin and pause so hard for me to put into practice? I look forward to Lent each year just so I can have an excuse to slow down. Is it just that darn FOMO?
For me, taking time away from busyness often feels like a direct contradiction to Must Hike Must Eat and the network I have built around it. It doesn’t exist in a bubble and although writing can be a solitary exercise, if I want others to see it there is an expectation of constant promotion and maintenance. Ask anyone with a blog, book, website, business, etc. If you stop, someone is going to take your place. A hundred or thousand missed opportunities… Will people still want me? Will I still have value?
It is hard to just stop. I have things I want to talk about. Passions. But it is draining at the same time. It fuels me but the fuel is not infinite. There is a cost. You know you need a pause when the things that have normally brought you joy no longer do.
There may be a reason even more scary for not wanting to rest. Wayne Muller, the author of Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight In Our Busy Lives writes:
“Our willingness to rest depends on what we believe we will find there.”
Ouch. Are we so willing to avoid facing who we are that fill our lives chock full that we never have to stop and spend time with just ourselves? I can admit that I don’t like who am at times. If I fill my life with enough activity, I know I don’t have to spend time working on becoming a better person.
I look forward to Lenten season every year because awhile ago I designated it as a slow down and declutter time even if the rest of the year was crazy. I have these 40 days to step back and focus on what is important. How else do I know if I am on the right track?
I cherish this time so much that when a few weeks ago a publisher contacted me about writing a 200 page dehydrating cookbook, I had to pause. It would have meant good money and a book with my name on it. I thought about whether or not the opportunity would come again (FOMO). But it was stressing me out just thinking about it and I hadn’t even begun the project!
After much internal debate, I turned it down. It would have meant 50 recipes in 6-8 weeks right in the middle of Lent. Basically another full-time job on top of my already busy life. I couldn’t do it to myself and those around me.
I want and need my slow down time. My sabbath, margin and pause. I value myself enough to know that is not my only opportunity and there will be many more on my own terms.
This is one of my favorite quotes to tell my friends when they share how tired and busy they are. I am not sure where I heard it first (other than the airplane) but it is so powerful. If you only take away one thing from this post, I hope this is it!
So, for the next 6 weeks I will be adding more margin in my life by taking a break from social media, spending less time here on Must Hike Must Eat and keeping commitments to a minimum. I plan to spend time working on relationship, reducing clutter around me and writing for self care, something I actually used to do more of before the blog unfortunately.
Don’t worry, I’ve busted my butt the last few weeks so that a few articles will go out each week that I have been meaning to share with you and social media will most likely not feel my absence with scheduled posts. Technology can sometimes be a wonderful thing. I’ll return near the end of April and the beginning of spring excited to share with you how it all went!
What does sabbath, margin or rest look like to you? In today’s busy world, how do you give space for your soul to catch up? Share below in the comments for others to know how important this practice is. And if you know someone who could use this message, please feel free to share!
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